I have a problem with blogs. It’s a paradox, really, and I am not one, but thousands of living, breathing paradoxes wound up into my exterior form. Peel away my skin and what will you find? I bleed paradoxes.
Back to what I was saying. I have a problem with blogs. The mere existence of a blog means you want someone to read what you’ve written. It’s the total opposite of the mentality behind locking your journal. Basically, what blog writers (and myself included, however stubbornly) are doing are either circumventing conventional publishing procedures, or (what a majority of us are doing), whining to the universe, hoping someone will agree with you or think that you’re amazing because of how you think.
This is my problem, and it’s similar to my problem with poetry (which I think I wrote a poem about), is I don’t agree with why people have blogs, I think blog writers, unless you’re doing it to inform and basically to not have to send an email but to have family/friends/supporters check up on you, are doing it as a weak cry for attention. I started this blog as a place to put my poetry and projects, thinking, naively, that I was “different” from all those clowns who post what they think or do for attention. My stuff was “legitimate.” Yeah, right.
So, while I figure this out, I’ve just decided to suck it up and just blog. A friend of mine who shared his url with me recently does a really good job of that. I don’t feel like he wants everyone to hear, he just writes about life and why he thinks the way he does. It’s actually because of one of his posts that I realized I’m just as whiny as everyone else with a blog, so, why not use it in any capacity I want to? I’m not writing for a following or to impress. Seriously. I’m just writing because, as I read my friend’s stuff, I realized, he’s lucky. He’s sorting his thoughts out while he writes this. He’s expressing himself better than I can because I won’t swallow my pride and write.
So, a few disclaimers and I think I’ll start on another post:
If people read this, cool. If not, it’ll still be here.
I still have a stigma against bloggers. That includes myself.
I believe in the honesty and better understanding of myself that will come about because of this blog. I’m really just doing this for me because I understand myself better when I write, and I want to write better.
I’m still going to post poetry and art, and, hopefully it will get better because of my public thinking out loud that will happen here.
I just fell in love with my blog name again. I really just think it’s the apocalypse part. Or both, because (you can tell I didn’t put much thought into it before because I’m having to interpret what exactly it means, over a year later), in calling it Eve’s apocalypse, I’m singling this blog out as a blog written by a female. And right now, I think I’m a feminist (which will be the first topic of this newly turned-over leaf.)
